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“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
We’ve all asked young children this question, hoping to get a glimpse of what career sparks their curiosity. We listen expectantly for answers like firefighter or teacher, revealing clues about their interests and dreams. On the surface, the question seems simple: interests lead to careers. But beneath it lies a more subtle message: that career is not only something we do, but something we are. Career becomes shorthand for identity. Even the phrasing of be versus do underpins the inextricability of work and sense of self.
This conflation of career and identity presented itself to me in the most poignant, innocent manner possible last year through my nephews’ back-to-school placards. While the eldest and middle nephews had specific dreams – Apache pilot and Blue Angel pilot, respectively – it was the youngest’s response that stood out to me.
“I want to be myself,” read his sign, as he stood proudly with self-assured conviction.
At first, his response seemed humorous. But the more I thought about it, I realized something profound: that at just 8 years old, this independent thinker was rejecting the assumption that being something meant becoming someone else.
I can almost hear his thought process: “Why do I have to be someone else? Why can’t I just be me?” Unbeknownst to him, he was tapping into deeper, existential questions that we’ve all pondered at some point: How do I express who I am through my career?
As adults, this question evolves. “What do you want to be?” becomes “What do you do?”. This dinner-party conversation starter seems light enough, but often serves as a proxy for getting to know someone through their interests and motivations.
Career as expression of identity
Career is more than a job – it is a lens through which others interpret who we are. We often assume a veterinarian must love animals, a human rights advocate is driven to help people, and an environmental scientist is passionate about the planet. And while these assumptions may hold some truth, they often don’t tell the full story of one’s identity, shaped by the multiple roles we hold across our lives.
Career can be a powerful expression of identity. It’s the biography printed on the back of the book before even opening the first page, offering a preview of the story we present to the world. Yet, the narrative it shares is not complete.
Evolution of self
Identity is not static. It evolves over time, molded by circumstances, choices and experiences. Some shifts are voluntary, driven by curiosity or a desire for change. Individuals may seek new roles, pursue further education, or even pivot careers to better reflect who they are becoming. While exciting, these transitions can also spur uncertainty and require a realignment of self and career.
Other shifts are involuntary. Relocation, organizational restructures, retirement, or military transition are more than just professional shifts, but personal ones as well. These moments not only disrupt what we do, but how we see ourselves and where we belong. I’ve experienced this firsthand while navigating multiple international relocations for my spouse’s job, each one bringing its own career identity shifts. In both cases, the underlying challenge is the same: making sense of self amid change.
This is where career practitioners play a critical role. Beyond supporting job transitions, we help individuals process identity shifts, reframing it as evolution of their sense of self rather than a loss. By guiding reflective practices, we support clients to reconnect with themselves, even when circumstances change.
From transactional to transformative
Career advisors work in the space between identity and occupation. We understand the complexity behind career decisions and strive to support meaningful alignment. We aim to transform clients’ thinking from What can I do? to What aligns with who I am? This perspective moves career conversations from superficial “matching” exercises to more empowering dialogue: what feels meaningful, valuable and aspirational for the client. It also invites us to reflect on a few deeper questions:
- What layers of identity can we reveal with thoughtful, guided questions?
- How do we reinforce career as expression of identity?
- How can we support our clients when their sense of self evolves?
My nephew’s words – “I want to be myself” – struck a chord in me, not only because it was unexpected, but because I had never considered the delicate balance between doing something and being someone. It echoes a familiar yoga mantra: we are human beings, not human doings, reinforcing that being and doing do not assume the same priority of our identity.
As career advisors, our role is to facilitate reflection and dialogue, helping clients find meaningful careers that express but not consume their identity. We teach clients how to consider their career as part of their identity, even when that identity shifts.
And most importantly, to ensure we never lose sight of the self in our career conversations and encourage our clients to embrace the inner child who just wants to be themselves.
