|
Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...
|
Have you had a client enter a session with a goal in mind, but then after a few sessions, find the goal itself has changed and is no longer what the client came in for? This may not be a sign of coaching going wrong.
Quite the opposite – this shift may be the result of effective coaching that has allowed you to tap into deeper conversation!
Coaching is a fascinating, dynamic and evolving process and partnership. The ICF defines coaching as, “Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” I will use the term “deep-dive coaching conversation” to capture this process.
In this article, I will share six coaching competencies and skills that I use as a Professional Certified Coach and career development practitioner that I hope can support you to have deeper-level coaching conversations.
What do I mean by a deep-dive conversation?
A deep-dive coaching conversation is not just about evoking awareness – it’s about new awareness, thinking and learning. The more we understand our client, and the more they understand themselves, the greater the chances that they will make healthy choices, set value-aligned goals and take action to reach their potential.
This might include but is not limited to understanding:
- What drives a client? What’s their story?
- What do they really want?
- What are their options and opportunities? Obstacles?
- What else might be going on? What about this is so important for them?
5 coaching skills for deep dives
1. Treat rapport as a continuous journey
Rapport is not a destination. It needs to be built, then continuously maintained, developed and deepened; it takes time to build, but only moments to break.
Rapport includes connection, trust, safety, boundaries and much more. Without rapport, it will be very difficult – if not impossible – to have a truly effective coaching conversation, and most definitely not a deep dive. No one will let you in if they don’t feel safe.
The following skills require rapport to work effectively and can also help deepen rapport.
2. The art of …
a. Not knowing: As a coach, you are the “learner,” not the “knower” of the client’s experience. There will be times when you know things (methods, resources, interventions), and other times when you do not.
Challenge yourself: Assume you don’t know – and lead from there. It is OK to say, “I don’t know,” and practise sitting in this. Toss the question back to the client. It’s amazing what surfaces!
b. Being OK with being wrong: When working with a client, you may have a hunch about something you think is going on but hesitate to speak up because you are worried about being “wrong.” However, holding back because of the risk of feeling uncomfortable centres you and not the client.
If you feel like your observation could serve the client, ask permission to share a reflection and try it out. Worst-case scenario: The client tells you that is not what is going on and will correct you. This is a great opportunity to get clarity and insight. If it is something that resonates with the client, then you can ask them if they want to explore it further.
Challenge yourself: Next time you pick up on something (a behaviour, statement, action) that you feel the client may benefit from exploring (i.e. is client-serving), try it out.
c. Letting go (particularly of ideas, agendas and goals): As stated, clients’ ideas or goals often change as further awareness and clarity is evoked. You need to be able to let go and “dance” with the client, making space for new goals, mindsets, perspectives and action plans.
Challenge yourself: Follow the client. Next time there seems to be a change, lean into it. If you find it difficult, be mindful and ask yourself, “Am I following my agenda for the client or the client’s agenda?”
3. Bring out your global listening skills
Global listening is listening to “the full spectrum of the client’s experience, including their words, emotions, body language and the broader context.”
It’s essential to tune into the client fully – beyond the words they’re saying. For instance, what is the client’s posture like? Has their tone shifted? The speed of speech? Where are their eyes gazing? Are they fidgeting? All these things require global listening.
And don’t forget to listen to your intuition – it is a sense.
4. Embrace resistance
I see resistance as a measure of progress – it means something has surfaced. You should not force your client to go somewhere they are not ready to go, as this could create further resistance, damage rapport or potentially cause harm.
However, resistance should not be ignored. It should be appreciated, acknowledged and validated – giving the client autonomy over what they want to do with it.
I often directly say, “I am noticing a [insert observation, e.g. change in tone]. Would you like to share what is going on for you right now?” I may actually use the word “resistance” in my observation and ask the client permission to share my observation.
5. Slow down: being mindful of the importance of space and pace:
Clients need time and space to process reflections, learnings and new awareness. It’s important to match their pace and not try to rush things, while also embracing the power of silence.
Slowing down is not going backward nor is silence a period of nothingness. Silence means the client is most likely thinking or observing. Giving them space for this invites reflection and growth. I find the potential for transformation and “aha” moments really breed in silence.
Cultivating conversation
While not every conversation needs to or should be a deep dive, when your client is ready, I hope these coaching skills support you in creating a coaching relationship, conversation and process that invites them to take a deeper look.
How might you use one or some of the above five ways to cultivate a deep-dive conversation in your work with clients?
