Have you ever had a client who needed to write their resume but found themselves completely stuck and unable to even get started? Do they keep putting it off – lost in thoughts about needing to get it done but remaining immobilized? This can lead the client down a shame spiral. “What’s wrong with me that I cannot write my resume? I’m so stupid. No one will ever hire me anyway, so what is the point of writing a resume?” For trauma survivors, this sequence is a familiar and frequent refrain.
What’s actually happening is that your body’s physiology has gone into a freeze state. This is automatic and involuntary, and no amount of willpower will overcome it. In its freeze state, our sympathetic nervous system will not allow us to push through even simple tasks; our body is conserving energy to survive a threat. In this case, the threat has been triggered by needing to write a resume.
For trauma survivors, resume writing requires remembering the details of your past. Where you were at a given time, what you were doing and possibly even who you were doing it with. Examining and scrutinizing your past is often something a trauma or abuse survivor does not want to do. It’s too scary and brings up memories the person has learned to push down to survive their trauma. People who appear unwilling to work on a resume may be experiencing a trauma response. They’re not lazy, unmotivated or stupid.
Their sense of hopelessness and the constant self-shaming keep them locked in this cycle. If you have ever suffered this procrastination sequencing, you know this feeling. It is not uncommon to get trapped in this position for long periods of time.
Here are steps that you can take to support your client work through their freeze state and write their resume. Help them to:
1. Identify that they are in a freeze state.
2. Replace the internal narrative of being lazy and undesirable with the knowledge that your body is protecting you. What you are experiencing is involuntary.
3. Encourage your clients to use their most accessible resources to calm their nervous system such as 4-7-8 breathing, sipping ice cold water or moving their bodies. Moving their bodies does not necessarily mean running to the gym but could be something as simple as moving their arms in circles or doing 10 jumping jacks.
4. Explain that by calming their nervous system they will help themselves to think clearly. Each time you successfully use resources to calm your nervous system, you are enlarging your window of tolerance.
5. Give your clients small tasks you know they can complete. Have them write their names on the top of a Word document. Then, have them write their phone number, and eventually their email address, and so on.
6. Encourage your clients to think about an environment they want to work in and what kind of people they want to work with rather than focusing on the job they want to do. In other words, help them to think about what matters to them and what they value and go from there. For example, if your client is entrepreneurial and creative, working in a conservative organization such as a bank or insurance company may not be the best fit.
7. If your client remains stuck, ask for help from a trauma therapist who has some knowledge of how trauma impacts career development. The most important thing is to find a way to get help your client complete their resume so that they can see – in black and white – all that they’ve accomplished, all the skills they have and all the value they bring to a new employer.
Here is what one person said:
“Having my resume done flipped my thinking from ‘I’ve done nothing’ to ‘Look at everything I have done!’ Just going through the exercise made me feel free and empowered and helped me counteract my father’s voice in my head that tells me I am stupid, and no one will ever take me seriously.”
If your client is unable to write or participate in writing their resume, please consider that trauma is affecting their ability to do so. It could be unresolved childhood trauma, on-the-job abuse or residual trauma from COVID that is preventing your client from moving forward, for instance. Whatever the case may be, keep your mind open when trying to resolve this kind of problem and ask your client questions to get at the source. If you as a career development specialist find yourself stuck, reach out to someone with a background in trauma or even someone with a dual understanding not only of trauma but of its impact on work life.
