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For many first-generation professionals, immigrants and people of colour, entering professional spaces means walking into worlds where the unwritten rules weren’t passed down to us. Our parents couldn’t teach us what they didn’t know. And to be frank, our education systems don’t prepare us for the hidden curriculum of workplace politics.
I immigrated to Canada when I was 4, and my parents didn’t work corporate jobs. As I embarked on my own career, navigating professional workspaces – the unexpected hierarchy, politics, code-switching, pettiness and microaggressions – was disorienting at a cultural level. I’ve been overlooked for promotions or been resented or punished by colleagues for the promotions I achieved. In short, I had the universal experience of being a woman of colour in the workplace.
For many years, I internalized the microaggressions as reflections of my own deficits that I alone was responsible for. Deficits in …
- confidence
- ambition
- skill
- intellect
- conflict-resolution capacity
- ability to stand up for myself
When I did have mentors, they didn’t often look like me. A lot of them, empathetic as they were, didn’t have the cultural lens to coach me through the complexity of navigating workplace dynamics as a woman of colour. Again and again, I realized that the support I needed wasn’t the traditional model of mentorship; I needed more than one person challenging me to expand my skills or learn to negotiate. I needed a personal council.
“Again and again, I realized that the support I needed wasn’t the traditional model of mentorship …”
And through intention, commitment and sheer luck, I was able to find brilliant, respected women, men, and non-binary folks across sectors who saw my talent, my values and wanted me to succeed. They challenged me to be my authentic self and to challenge the systems that tell me to shrink myself or hide myself altogether to succeed. They cultivated my authenticity. They are the esteemed and cherished members of my personal council.
When mentorship isn’t enough
Traditional mentorship usually means pairing with a more senior or established mentor to teach you how to “navigate the ropes” of politicking and leveraging your ambitions up the ladder. However, for women of colour, moving up often requires a sort of self-erasure or shrinking or swallowing microagressions.
What professional development advice can teach you how to react when someone sexually fetishizes you as an Asian woman and your boss looks away?
Or when your younger, less experienced and less well-performing white peer is promoted for “positive attitude” over your demonstrated skills and knowledge?
What professional development advice can address your manager perpetuating racist abuse while holding your livelihood in their hands?
A lot of business development or career advice is about leveraging your skills toward ambition. To be able to pursue ambition in and of itself is a privilege for women of colour. We have to think about survival first.
The power of council
The professional development industry loves to focus on individual growth and “fixing” perceived deficiencies. This falls short when you’re facing barriers as a result of systemic issues and unwritten rules. It takes an immense toll on people of colour to fit into spaces that are actively trying to make sure we feel we don’t belong. We assume everyone else has it figured out, and we’re the only ones struggling.
But we’re not. We’re just trying to navigate without maps in spaces that weren’t designed for us. It takes a council of trusted people – or at least it did for me – to realize that.
A personal council is a group of trusted figures across sectors with whom you can unmask. They can affirm your experiences are valid, systemic and not a reflection of a personal failing. They remind you that you belong in your job, your career, and your sector. They’re not mentors who show you ways to “fix” yourself or teach you how to swallow the injustice or pain in pursuit of livelihood. They are a collective resource for understanding the systems we’re in, recognizing unfair power dynamics and finding authentic ways to be ourselves within (or outside of) these structures.
A personal council is about building relationships with people who:
- Help you clarify your unique perspectives and talents
- Provide genuine community and belonging
- Offer accountability grounded in care, not judgment
- Help you identify unfair power dynamics, so you don’t internalize them
- Reflect your growth back to you when you can’t see it yourself
- Understand your whole self, not just your professional persona
- Create space for true vulnerability and authenticity
Finding your people
The value of a personal council is that you’re building a community of folks who will offer a range of perspectives and wisdom to draw from. A traditional mentor from your sector can offer you their journey and experience; a personal council can share their experiences of navigating various workplaces and sectors so you can learn from their struggles and wins. They help create the conditions for genuine belonging and collective transformation – especially when your workplace doesn’t.
As a former academic and teacher turned PR intern, server, then fundraiser, then entrepeneur nothing about my career has been linear. Why should my model of support be? My personal council consists of coaches, entrepreneurs, hospitality staff, professors, doctors, fundraisers, activists, accountants, lawyers and artists. The common thread is that they see me – truly see me – and they value what I bring.
Most importantly, my personal council has taught me to embrace myself fully and stop internalizing people or places that want to make me small.
A collective approach to individual growth
In a recent a podcast interview, I was asked, “What’s your advice for women?” I replied, “Stop trying to fit into places with people who have told you they don’t want you. Use that energy to find the people and places that want you – that understand you and don’t want to dim your light.”
I know where I am seen. I know where I am appreciated.
This is a wisdom I was gifted that I hope to channel everywhere. I hope you receive it as a gift and give to yourself when you need it most.
Start building your council. Your people are out there. Find them.
